


Dying Times

by otterdictator



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Blood, Chara Is Dead, How does I story, Implied Child Abuse, No creepy ghost Chara, Parenting Advice From Goats, Resets suck, Sans is tired of your shit, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, There is an actual story?, Things Get Better, i am trash, implied child neglect, living in the trash heap, this author is traaaaaaaash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 13:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6007258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otterdictator/pseuds/otterdictator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It feels good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You can't remember exactly why you started doing this.

_...a hailstorm of bones turning soft flesh into slurry..._

It might have been an attempt at repentance. 

_...blue-white light turning skin to char and bones to dust..._

It might have been an attempt to silence the screaming in your head.

_...a wet crunch and everything goes numb..._

All you know is that your final breaths feel like freedom. 

It took a while to appreciate the depth of emotion being directed at you during each ~~fight~~ death. But once you realized how good it felt to have someone care...

_...flesh being shaved away by jagged bones..._

...that you keep coming back for more should be evidence enough of how much you love it.

_...blood gurgling cheerfully in punctured lungs..._

After all, this is all a murderous freak like you deserves.


	2. Chapter 2

You wonder if he notices, if he remembers, that you haven't actually tried to kill him for the last several dozen re-LOADs. 

_...red gushing around white as your leg tumbles to the floor..._

Probably not. 

_...choking, gasping, blue strangling like water..._

Hopefully not. 

_...slick-soft organs drooling out of gutted flesh..._

Well, it doesn't matter if he does, his actions tell you that you can't be forgiven. 

_...blood splattering across tile and down striped fabric..._

That he hates you at all...it is more than you deserve. 

After all, you are just a worthless piece of trash that nobody cares about.

_...your hands plunge steel through the fragile skin of your throat and..._

"kid!" 

For some reason he sounds more horrified than happy. 

You don't understand...

_...clouding darkness and quiet freedom..._


	3. Chapter 3

He hesitates this time. 

"kid-"

You attack him before he can finish whatever he was going to say. This isn't what you expected. This isn't how he is supposed to act. 

Your wild attacks are dodged with ease, blue slipping gracefully away from each swing. 

Why isn't he attacking?

Why isn't he fighting back?

Why hasn't he _killed you yet?_

This isn't how things are supposed to go!

To your alarm and shame you can feel tears dripping down your cheeks. 

_How could you fail like this?_

"kid. stop."

Pale bones wrap around your wrist and deftly pull the knife from your grasp. You find yourself enveloped in soft blue and white, bone fingers restraining you in a sweet mockery of a hug.

Panic floods your mind, things are not supposed to be like this. He isn't supposed to sound sad. He isn't supposed to be gentle or give you MERCY. 

"kid, please-"

You can't let this continue. You don't deserve kindness. 

_B e c a u s e Y o u A r e W o r t h l e s s._

"kid, wait for a sec-"

Out of desperation you RESET.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be sporadic. 
> 
> I generally write when I feel like it, so don't be suprised if several chapters are loaded at once or none are loaded for a while. 
> 
> Thanks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented. 
> 
> It feels nice to get comments.

You hate the Ruins. 

It hurts when Toriel tells you to leave and never come back. 

_...because it means she never wanted you to begin with and you fell for lies again-..._

_...the best food you've ever tasted turning to ash in your stomach..._

Still, you leave her alive this time. It would take effort to kill her and you are so very tired. 

_...pearly fur stained red and the scent of copper on your tongue..._

_...claims to care about you which you know are false but crave like water in a desert..._

The dull thud of the Ruins door closing shakes you from your thoughts. 

_...like every time you came home late and nobody would let you in..._

The snow is colder than you remember. 

You trudge through the snow, misery settling like a blanket over your shoulders. 

"hey, kid."

You spin around in alarm, how could you be at the bridge already? Silently you curse yourself for being so stupid. 

_Not that it is surprising, you've always been a failure._

He looks oddly serious, white pupils studying you with intensity that makes you squirm. 

"kid, we need to talk-"

You are running before he can finish the sentence. Fear is your heartbeat, driving you to go faster and further away from him. 

_...those words are always followed by punishment and you can't take it anymore..._

There is no time to check if he is following you, which is stupid because you _know_ he can go anywhere-

You stumble over ice hidden under the snow. 

Instinctively you throw your arms out, one hand smacking against frozen ground and the other...

You feel an odd popping sensation.

You are sure that your wrist isn't supposed to be pointing in that direction. 

There is something oddly soothing about seeing your body distorted in such a way. Your good hand grips the mangled flesh and squeezes.

Black and white dance across your vision and the world sways sickeningly.

_feelsgoodithurtsithurtsithurtsitfeelsgood_

For the first time in a while you can feel a smile creeping across your face. 

You are so distracted you don't even notice the skeleton staring at you in shock and horror.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of Sans POV in this one
> 
> Note: Self-harm, or at least the kind that I am writing about here, has to occur on the terms of the one hurting themself. To be found out is a loss of control and something to be avoided at all costs. This is a case of needing to control something, regardless of the consequences.

You wonder if this is what it is like to take drugs. The floating disconnect between your mind and your thoughts. The beautiful _silence_. 

For once you can't hear the poisonous words that always run through your head, instead all you can focus on is...

...

...

...the sweet agony of broken bones grinding against each other.

A weak giggle escapes you and you _twist_ the hand gripping your crooked wrist. 

_**PAIN.** _

It feels like fire is consuming your arm, winding cruelly up into your chest, and you can barely stay awake. 

_moremoremoremoreneedmore._

A second twist sends you spiraling into darkness. 

***

Sans remembers, as he stands next to Frisk's unconscious body, the last RESET.

It isn't something he likes doing; generally he locks away all the RESET memories in an attempt to stay sane. 

...with questionable success, but he tries not to think about it too much. 

He probably should have noticed something was wrong the first time the kid died before his opening salvo was finished. 

_...soft human flesh burns under blue-hot light and the kid_ doesn't _move away..._

But he had been so angry, furious that the kid had murdered everyone for no reason, that he hadn't bothered to consider the unusual reaction.

_...his brother crumbling to dust before his eyes..._

Except...

_...the human cringing away from Papyrus' last words, acting as if his brother's optimism physically hurt them..._

Except...

_...blood splatters across tile and he swears that Frisk walked into that blow..._

Except...

_...he knows that they see the bones coming but they don't move..._

The RESET before Frisk's murderous rampage had been a good one. 

_...Frisk giggling and smiling while making pie with Toriel..._

_...a peaceful day at the beach watching Frisk and MK play in the waves..._

_...hugging the kid after being called "duncle" for the first time..._

They had all made it to the surface. The kid had seemed happy. 

So what happened then that made the kid RESET?

Because once he finds out, who or whatever caused this misery is going to have a **_bad time_**.


	6. Chapter 6

You drift peacefully in a cocoon of semi-consciousness. 

Dimly you realize that you don't hurt anymore, all you can feel is soft warmth, but you can't remember why that seems to be a bad thing. 

_Because you don't deserve to be comfortable._

A flash of shame and self-loathing tears through the foggy contentment that cradles you. 

_...nobody helps you, even though you are freezing and your hands shake too much to undo soaked clothing..._

A sense of discomfort is growing. 

_...you cry and cry because it hurts but the only response is a screamed demand for silence..._

You want to whimper, but your body isn't under your control. 

The enveloping warmth feels like restraints.

_...expressions of disappointment and a voice demanding to know why you are such a failure..._

_"...don't know how that child could possibly be mine..."_

It feels like someone is slowly squeezing the air from your lungs. You can dimly feel your body gasping for air. 

_...they don't react to seeing you and you realize that they never even noticed that you left..._

Sweet oblivion creeps toward you and as your mind fades you can feel your spasming body relax and settle. 

_...no matter how much you want, your_ real _family will never love you..._

And then there is nothing.


	7. Chapter 7

When you wake up you are alone. 

You consider getting up, but you can't bring yourself to expend energy leaving the racecar bed. 

Besides, the blue glow surrounding the door makes it clear that you can't leave. 

_Doesn't matter anyway._

You consider RESETing, but discard the idea as quickly as it comes. 

_...Toriel welcoming you and you hate how much you need it..._

Your worthless life isn't going to get any better no matter how many times you re-live it. 

_...you are the subject of international interest for bring monsters back into the world..._

_...the only answer you get is an uninterested, "Not now, I'm busy...", before they hang up..._

Tears drip down your cheeks. 

_Pathetic._

You roll over, ignoring your tears, and try to go back to sleep. 

There really isn't any point to being awake.


	8. Chapter 8

Sans has no idea what to do. 

_If there is anything that he can do._

Actually he does have some ideas on what to do, but most of those ideas involve magical mass destruction of -a currently unknown- party. 

Which is unlikely to actually help Frisk. Even if it would make him feel better.

_If the kid can actually be helped._

The skeleton rubs tired eye sockets, contemplating the last few hours.

He could have sworn that Frisk had been happy two RESETs ago. 

_What made the kid run away from happiness?_

Frisk had seemed happy living with Toriel and him.

_...but Frisk kept staring at their phone when they thought they where alone..._

_...a barely noticable flinch when the word "family" is said..._

Why does it seem like he is missing something?

***

Papyrus has no idea what to do.

The usually boisterous skeleton is silent, mind processing the last few hours. 

It isn't everyday that his brother bursts in to their home with an injured human. 

_"pap, can you heal this?"_

Luckily he could. 

_...blackened flesh connecting a swelling hand to bone pale arm..._

_...wet snap of bones shifting back into place..._

If only he could fix minds as easily as bodies. 

_...the story spilling from his brother like a flash flood, devastating and without warning..._

_...Sans muttering something about "should have noticed it sooner" and "kid never hurt pap before"..._

A small part of him makes note to have an in depth conversation with Sans about exactly _how much_ his brother remembers from each RESET.

_...sometimes he catches Sans staring like he'll disappear if the shorter skeleton looks away..._

But that is something to be persued at a later time, when the human is no long in danger from themself. 

_If that time ever comes._


	9. Chapter 9

You can't fall asleep. 

You mind races, raging like a storm, dragging you through memories and thoughts that you _don't_ want to look at. 

But what you want doesn't matter.

What you want has never mattered.

_...eyes sliding over you like you don't exist..._

_...the worst part is that you know this is all your fault..._

Why couldn't you have been a better child?

_"...I don't have time for failures..."_

You want to say that you are sorry, but the words are stuck in your throat. 

_Apologies are for the weak...they taught you that._

You apologize all the time.

_Worthless trash._

Loathing slithers low in your belly and you embrace it whole-heartedly. 

_...it gets harder and harder to draw a reaction from them..._

The feeling is almost physically painful and you crave it, the pain, because what you rather hurt than have to think. 

_...spite keeps you living, because you know they would find your death convenient..._

You curl inwards, as if folding yourself into a ball can stop the course of your thoughts.

_...you are lying to yourself and you know it..._

_"...lying is a mark of a weak, small-minded person..."_

You aren't...you aren't...

_...if they loved you once...then they can love you again right...?..._

You...

_...the call connects and you find that you have nothing to say..._

You are...

_"...dreams won't make you successful..."_

You really are worthless.

_N o t T h a t Y o u N e e d e d R e m i n d i n g._


	10. Chapter 10

The bed smells like mineral and spice. 

Guilt squeezes into your jumbled thoughts, it seems wrong for you to be in Papyrus' bed after what you did to him two runs ago. 

_...satisfaction because you are tired and hurt but you_ finally _won..._

You slowly crawl out from the warm sheets and off the bed. 

How could you have hurt Papyrus?

_...getting goodnight stories together and giggling at the skeleton's obvious happiness..._

He was your best friend. 

_...friends are a lie and you should know better, but you are weak and lonely..._

It wasn't like you had intended to kill him. 

_You've always been good at lying to yourself._

Toriel...well, you had your reasons. 

_...you stab and stab and stab because you hate her and her lies..._

As for the other Ruins monsters...

_...she is turning to dust and you are still so angry..._

Shame burns like acid, but you deserve it.

_...hate and jealousy because you realize that Papyrus has everything you ever wanted..._

You flinch at the memory, at the way it makes you _hate_ him and everyone else.

_You really are a monster._


	11. Chapter 11

There nothing useful in the room. 

Your skin is crawling and you ~~want~~ need to peel it off. 

_...beads of red welling up and dribbling down your arm..._

Clawing at your arms just makes things worse, your blunt human nails don't do much. 

_...scratch and scratch and scratch but it just won't come off..._

Maybe your teeth will do more.

The door opens before you can do anything and you flinch at the sudden influx of light. 

It's Sans. 

_...your hate is eating you alive and it_ needs _a target..._

You wonder if he is going to kill you.

Probably not. 

_Isn't that a pity._

_But if you gave him a reason to do so..._

***

It doesn't take a genius to realize that the kid is trying to provoke him. 

It also doesn't take a genius to guess why Frisk is threatening him, his brother, and everything he has ever cared about.

The torrent of verbal poison is hard to listen to, but it is telling Sans a lot about what Frisk is thinking. 

And he doesn't like a single thing he has learned.


	12. Chapter 12

He isn't saying anything. 

He still looks at you, studying your every move, like what you do actually matters.

It is disgusting how happy that makes you feel.

Your throat is sore, but words continue to tumble past your lips.

_"...you are an embarrassment!..."_

_...joy because at least they are acknowledging that you exist..._

Each word feels like sand paper is rubbing the soft tissue of your throat, yet you keep rambling. 

Cause if you stop talking, you don't think you'll ever be able voice how much you hate ~~hurt~~ ever again.

_...words are hard and you don't understand why you can't be like other kids..._

So you talk and talk and talk, throwing every poisonous thought you've ever had out into the open. 

_...clinging to your hate, even as you lock it way, because it is_ yours _..._

Besides, it isn't like anyone ever listens to you anyway.

_Maybe now they will all see what failure you are._


	13. Chapter 13

Sans is not prepared to deal with this. 

Actually, he'll probably never be prepared to deal with this. 

It is like Frisk's hate is a living, tangible creature. 

_That hate is all that is keeping the kid going._

The realization is chilling, rattling his bones though he doesn't move from his careful stance in the doorway. 

No wonder the kid has so much DETERMINATION.

_But why?_

The kid is still talking, still going, even though it's been at least an hour-

_"...kept asking to leave even though they had only been with me for a day..."_

_...hunting down the last Hotland monsters, agitation growing by the second..._

_...dying again and again, time between deaths becoming shorter..._

It's like Frisk has to keep moving.

_...Frisk signs up for activities on every day of the week even though Tori and you would be happy if they just picked one..._

Sans has the sudden urge to slap himself in the face. 

_Gotta direct that hate at something or it would just eat you alive, right kiddo?_


	14. Chapter 14

You are exhausted. 

You want to sleep. 

_Sans is still here._

You don't have enough energy to be surprised. 

_...no one ever stays for long..._

Digging your fingers into the soft flesh of your wrist brings a welcome burst of pain. 

_Sans is still here._

This...this isn't the way things are supposed to be. 

_...words dying behind your teeth, fustration leaking from your eyes because you just can't explain what you feel..._

Why is Sans still here?

_...learning that there is no point in even trying because they will leave..._

Does...does he not understand that you are the reason why he can't have happiness?

_...you know that this will break his heart, but you have to RESET because..._

_...because you are a childish idiot and you should have known..._

_...that you are exactly what _they_ said you are..._

**Worthless.**

You are the reason why _they_ couldn't be happy.

 ~~Even though they must have loved you once.~~

_...hatred smothered by despair and resigned acceptance, the pretty lie of 'found family' peeling away..._

Copper on your tongue and pain in your wrist, teeth clicking against bone because otherwise you would be screaming. 

"shit, kid stop!"

And you have no words left.


	15. Chapter 15

One moment, Sans has one hand on the kid's wrist, pain radiating from his other hand because Frisk just bit him.

One moment, Frisk has opened their mouth and snapped it closed again.

One moment, undiluted horror before the world twists and Sans falls off the couch. 

_...twitching pink muscle falling the floor in a shower of blood..._

Sans heaves, dry retches wracking his frame because he just saw Frisk **bite** their tongue off.

He is still gagging when Papyrus rushes over to ask what is wrong. 

_The answer is everything._

***

You didn't mean to RESET. 

_...waking with a phantom ache in your mouth and throat..._

Well, it isn't like doing so made things any worse. 

You stare dully at Toriel, who is fussing over the scrapes and bumps you recieved when navigating the Ruins puzzles. 

_...pretty sure you could do these in your sleep by now..._

You feel empty. 

The resentment you should feel is absent, leaving you oddly hollow. 

_...seeds and gooey strands being scraped out before carving..._

Her cooed reassurances ~~lies~~ don't draw any kind of reaction at all. 

_It takes too much energy to care._

Resignation settles comfortably in your head, gently smothering hate into silence. 

_It doesn't matter anyway._


	16. Chapter 16

Turns out that Toriel really only knows how to make pie. 

Pot pie, shepard's pie, fish pie, every meal is pie. 

You would find it funny if you had the energy to care. 

It has been a few days- you think -since the RESET and you haven't done anything. 

Part of you wonders if you should move on. 

_...fire and disappointment because you just can't be a good child..._

You discard the idea, you don't have the will needed to spare Toriel in battle. 

_But if you killed her-_

Your teeth grind down on the inside of your cheek, copper blossoming across your tongue. 

_It doesn't matter._

You have everything you need here. 

_...she is offering you everything ~~except what you really want~~..._

Food.

_...despair and hate because she has made you a replacement..._

Shelter.

_...blue and bone white watching you and hating and it feels like love..._

You have everything you need here. 

_...children like you don't deserve to be happy..._

Everything.

You do your best to pretend that you aren't crying. 

_Cause you have nothing worth crying about._

Right...?


	17. Chapter 17

Snow is falling and wind is blowing. 

And Frisk is late. 

_What is going on kid?_

_...like clockwork Frisk is out of the Ruins the day after everything is RESET..._

Sans winces and rubs bony knuckles against his skull, pulling up memories from previous RESETs is giving him a headache. 

_...Greater Dog and the kid playing in the snow..._

_...white fur slowly freezing while snow covers broken armor..._

Blue flares from Sans' left eye. 

_...Undyne smiling even though she is covered in vegetable mush and her home burns down behind her..._

_...melting, dissolving, not even dust remaining to say goodbye to..._

A deep breath, then another, blue fading with each exhale. Getting angry over the past is not going to help with the current situation. 

"I don't really know you at all, do I kiddo?"

Saying the words out loud makes things seem so much more desperate. 

_...because he ignores the signs and his brother pays the price..._

_...hopeless eyes above a blood splattered smile..._

_...silent misery of an abandoned human child-_

Abruptly the skeleton turns away from the Ruins and prepares to take one of his short cuts. 

He needs to have a long talk with Asgore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deleted the "There is no Chara" tag. 
> 
> Cause there was a Chara, but there is no creepy ass demon-child Chara drifting about Frisk's head. 
> 
> Just to clarify.


	18. Chapter 18

"I don't see how I can help you friend." Asgore looks sad, large frame hunched. "Your friend Frisk is likely not...sick in the way that Chara was."

"how so?" 

The goat monster looks at the riot of green life blooming in the throne room, eyes tired and weary. "It is hard to explain." 

"when you say that Chara was sick..."

Asgore sighs, golden beard ruffled by the exhale. "Chara was...missing something inside."

Sans waits patiently for the king to continue, stance deliberately relaxed even as chills of unease run down his spine. 

"My family and I tried to help, to heal the void in their soul but..." The king looks away, grief evident in every line of his body. "You only have to look around you to see that things didn't work out."

The yellow flowers of the memorial garden shimmer innocently.

"i would still like to hear about what you did to help." Sans comments, carefully breaking the silence. "your methods are still worth trying." The skeleton hesitates for a moment before forging on. "please asgore, for tori if nobody else." 

"You know where my wife is?" Armor and white fur loom over the short skeleton, kind eyes blazing with desperation and sorrow. "Is she doing well?"

"yah." Sans looks up, undisturbed by the mountain of muscle staring down at him. "she's got a great sense of humor."

A watery snicker escapes Asgore. "She does love her puns." 

Sans nods, waiting for the king to compose himself. "so?"

"Ah, yes." The taller monster sighs and gestures for Sans to follow him. "Why don't we get a cup of tea before I start?"

***

Toriel is mothering you. 

She checks up on you regularly, frowning when she notices that you haven't done anything since the last time she checked. 

_It doesn't matter what you do._

You can't bring yourself to feel annoyed. 

You can't bring yourself to feel anything at all, to be honest. 

_"...why are you upset?_ You _have nothing to be upset about..."_

Today you sit by the entrance to Toriel's home. 

_...strong paws carefully lift you out of bed and carry you outside..._

The ground is cool. 

You consider getting up and returning to your room. 

_Why bother?_

Instead you do nothing at all. 

_It's better this way._


	19. Chapter 19

There is a froggit on your foot. 

The amphibian monsters have been hanging around lately, hopping and playing near -and on- you.

You are outside of Toriel's home, again, sitting on the spot that she always places you. The formerly dead garden has started to show new growth under the goat monster's care. 

She talks to you while she works, telling you that you'll feel much better when the garden is in full bloom. 

_It doesn't matter._

Toriel is humming a song, one you don't recognize, while planting some kind of leafy herb. 

A sharp "ribbit" draws your attention downwards. 

You stare blankly at the frog monster on your foot. 

It croaks at you, head tilted in curiousity. 

_Weird._

The thought skitters across your mind, quickly vanishing into the foggy void that your brain has become. 

_...everything is fine as long as you don't care..._

The froggit slowly crawls up your leg, webbed feet carefully placed, and stops at your knee. 

It croaks again. 

You notice that the cool dampness of the froggit's body is seeping into your shorts. 

_It doesn't matter._

The froggit opens its mouth and you get a sticky tongue to the face. 

_stickysoftwhatjusthappenedwhytheface_

Startled, you yelp and flail, falling backwards with a thump. The froggit gives a "garump" of triumph and gently crawls onto your chest. 

The frog looks so proud of itself that you can't help but giggle. 

At the sound, the first sound you've made in weeks, Toriel stops her rush over to your side to stare and break into a relieved smile. 

The froggit waits till you stops giggling then "licks" you in the face again.


	20. Chapter 20

The froggit follows you everywhere. 

Toriel lets it roam about the house. She even finds a large bucket for the amphibian to sit in at night, so it doesn't dry out while it is in your room. 

She seems happy to mop up the occassional damp spot on the floor in exchange for the smiles the froggit coaxes from you. 

_...sticky-wet pads against your face when you try to sleep the day away..._

The foggy uncaring that wrapped you since the start of the RESET is less smothering when the little monster is around. 

You don't know if you like it. 

But it would be too much effort to chase the froggit away. 

_...croaking that vaguely sounds like Toriel's melodies..._

A soft "plop" alerts you to the approach of the monster in thought. 

_It is kind of cute._

Your lips twitch into a small smile. 

_...don't...nev-never deserv-..._

The smile vanishes as quickly as it came. 

_...can't...you....w-why..._

You skin is crawling. 

_It has to come off._

But...

_Off._

Sticky. Slippery. Iron tang filling your nose and coating your tongue. 

_forgetforgetitdoesn'tmatterforgetit_

Something cool and wet smacks against your cheek. 

When you look down, the froggit is gurgling mournfully and pinning your wrists under its damp weight. 

Wiggling one hand free, you take in the sight of gouged furrows weeping red and paper-like strips of pink under bloodied nails. 

_oh_


	21. Chapter 21

Sans stares at the Ruins door. It's been weeks since the RESET but there has been no sign of Frisk. It has also been weeks since he last spoke with Tori, even though he can occasionally hear movement behind the door. 

_you still in there kid?_

The skeleton sighs and contemplates opening the Ruins door. It isn't the first time he has entertained the thought, but like usual he does nothing. 

_"...better to let them have a safe place or they will never stop running..."_

"do you feel safe in there kid?"

There is, predictably, no answer.

***

Your hands ache. 

Thick bandages cover your wrists and palms, the scent of spicy herbal balm seeping through the gauze. 

Toriel doesn't let you out of her sight anymore. 

She is very intent on keeping you as close to her as possible. 

Which is why you are sitting on the living room floor, bracketed on either side by Toriel's dress covered legs. The goat monster is knitting today, making something blue from fine wool. 

_...they never even look..._

It is a weird sensation to be watched so closely, to be smothered with attention. 

You don't know how to feel about it. 

_...can't....no trus-..._

You delibrately turn your attention to the froggit. You don't want to examine those thoughts right now. 

The froggit is sitting in a repurposed mixing bowl, bubbling contently in a shallow layer of water. When it notices that you are paying attention to it, it croaks and hops out. 

Toriel seems to be determined to ignore the spreading damp spot on the floor.

The froggit croaks, hopping forward and landing on your bare foot. The cool weight of the monster's body is soothing, distracting you from the pain in your hands. 

You reach out and gently stroke the amphibian with your un-bandaged fingers. Its skin feels sticky-smooth, almost silky while still wet. 

The froggit "garumps" in pleasure, closing its eyes while you pet it. 

_Happy froggit._

A moment later the froggit hops away to dunk itself in the bowl before returning to your side. 

This time it plants itself directly on your shorts. 

You can feel dampness soaking through the fabric. 

_Silly._

You smile.


	22. Chapter 22

Sans stares at the cup of tea in front of him. 

The tea steams gently. 

The skeleton contemplates flinging the innocent teacup, brightly patterned with yellow flowers, into the nearest wall. 

Instead he gingerly lifts the china and takes a sip. 

The tea is quite good, sunny and floral, a bright pick-me-up brewed by Asgore's skilled hands. 

It does nothing to improve Sans' mood. 

The short monster's legendary patience -or laziness depending on who you ask- is wearing thin after weeks of waiting. 

"i know you said to give the kid time, but this is freaking ridiculous."

Asgore smiles sadly. "I understand your frustration friend, but this is far better than the alternative." The king carefully mixes sugar and cream into his own cup and samples the results before continuing. "The mind heals at its own pace, it is not wise to try forcing it to mend faster."

Cup half way raised for another sip Sans eyes the goat monster, unease roiling in his non-existent stomach. "sounds like you know that from experience."

"I do." Claws pensively tracing the scalloped edge of the teacup, the king gives the skeleton a despondent smile. "That I do." 

***

Feelings come back slowly. 

You kind of wish that they didn't come back at all. 

_...that damn froggit is sitting on your head_ again _and you want to push it off so you can go back to sleep..._

Kind of. 

_...warmth and a sense of belonging when Toriel hugs you, because she's stayed with you all this time and maybe you can trust her..._

Maybe. 

_...pride when you get up without the froggit needing to perch on your head..._

There are some feelings you are happy to have back. 

And some feelings that make you remember why you tried to cocoon yourself in apathy. 

_...sweat-sticky clothes and ragged breathing and a sense of shame lingering from a dream you can't remember..._

_...hate and loathing directed inwards because you remember that killing Toriel felt_ good _..._

A croak breaks you out of your swirling thoughts. 

The froggit waits till you pay full attention to it. 

Then you get a sticky tongue to the face. 

_Should have seen that coming._

You abandon your thoughts to chase after the mischievous amphibian. 

When you catch up to it, you are delighted to learn that froggits are ticklish.


	23. Chapter 23

Today is not a good day. 

_...blue smiles and the world spins as gravity fails..._

Sluggish misery nestles deep in your chest, turning the world into a chaotic jumble. 

You are burrowed into the covers of your bed, trying to silence the noise in your mind. 

_...you are nothing and you fall and fall and fall..._

The pillow does nothing to muffle the sounds. 

_"...no child of mine..."_

A soft croak drifts from the floor beside the bed. 

After a moment the froggit's head peers over the mound of blankets you have buried yourself in. The small monster looks worried, burbling quietly as it carefully crawls to settle beside your head.

You don't care. 

The amphibian shuffles a bit, making itself a small nest, fabric soaking under its damp body. 

_"...don't waste my time!..."_

You close your eyes. 

_...wouldn't things be better if you disappeared?..._

The froggit gives a short "garump" before starting up a soothing thrumming. 

Seems like the frog is planning to stay. 

You don't know how to feel about that.


	24. Chapter 24

Things have been slowly getting better. 

Sure, there are some days that your thoughts spiral downwards. 

_...the bandages are off and you want to shred your hands all over again..._

And some days that you can't get out of bed. 

_...sleeping till your head hurts and you still feel exhausted..._

Yet, you find that the good days are starting to out number the bad. 

"My child, come look! The flowers are blooming."

You scamper outside to join Toriel in the revived garden. A small swell of satisfaction fills you as you look over the organized chaos, herbs and flowers growing along with the occasional lurking vegetoid. 

The froggit croaks at you from under one of the larger leafy plants, waiting for you to draw near.

When you get close enough, it licks you in the face and bounces off. 

_Aw, no you didn't!_

You giggle and chase the small monster as it dives from plant to plant, Toriel's laughter following you. 

"Come back inside after an hour. Lunch will be ready then."

You stop for a moment to wave at your caretaker before realizing that you've lost sight of the froggit. 

_Where did it go?_

A plant several feet away rustles. 

Grinning, you dart forward and brush the overhanging leaves away. 

_Got you!_

The froggit isn't under the plant. 

It isn't a vegetoid either.

"Howdy! Been a long time hasn't it Chara?"

_Uh oh._


	25. Chapter 25

You aren't quite sure if you should be running away or trying to stomp Flowey into the ground. 

"It certainly took you a while to come back Chara." The souless flower leans towards you. "I missed you so much!"

You stumble away from the yellow petals, fear and disbelief making your heart pound. 

"What's a matter?" Flowey sounds confused, before laughing sheepishly and returning to his former position. "Sorry, forgot that you don't like being crowded." 

_He thinks I'm Chara?_

The thought makes a chill run down your spine. Chara, from the information you gathered through countless runs, is not someone you want to be compared to. 

_...a child's voice cheerfully asking for poisonous flowers..._

You are very, very tempted to run away right now. 

While you are thinking Flowey gazes around the garden, a scowl etched onto his face. 

"Geeze, what's with all the plants? I can barely move around now." 

_What._

The flower notices your puzzled expression and elaborates, sounding like a spoiled child the entire time. "All the ground is bound up by the other plants. Their roots make it hard for me to get through." 

You wonder why the flower is telling you all this. 

"Say friend, do you think you could help me out? If you rip up all the plants I'll be able to get around a lot easier." Flowey smiles at you, clearly expecting "Chara" to help him out.

You do nothing. 

Mostly because you have absolutely no idea on how to react. 

"Aw, come on Chara." The yellow petaled nightmare pouts, leaves crossed like arms. "Please?"

Silent moments pass as the two of you stare at each other. 

"Chara?" Flowey sounds confused, though you can practically see the wheels turning in his head. "Chara what's wrong?"

You unconsciously take a step back, body tensing to run if you have to. 

_...laughter and missles flying through the air while the most horrifying eyes imaginable follow your every move..._

"You..." There is a dark undertone to the flower's usually cheerful voice. "You aren't Chara, are you?"

_Uh..._

You are saved from answering by a rumbling croak. 

_Froggit?_

You feel a moment of shame at the fact that you completely forgot about the amphibian. Then again, Flowey is a pretty big distraction. 

The froggit announces its presence by sailing out of a nearby bush and landing on the back of Flowey's head, faceplanting (Sans would be proud) the potentially homicidal angiosperm into the dirt. 

You stare blankly at the scene in front of you. 

_Buh?_

The mental shock lasts for only a moment and you scoop up the froggit, running as fast as you can back towards the house. 

A sudden string of curses has you glancing back, then immediately regretting that decision. 

You hope you can make it back to Toriel in time. 

The enraged expression on Flowey's face, and the whirling storm of "friendliness pellets" around him, promises you a bad time if you can't.


	26. Chapter 26

You have to admit that through all the runs and RESETs, you have gotten pretty good at dodging attacks. 

_Ow!_

Not that your hard earned skills are all that useful when you aren't looking at the attacks you are trying to dodge. 

_How much farther?_

It didn't occur to you how far your game of "catch the froggit" had taken you from the house, but you have found that it is far further than you would like. 

Far enough that you doubt that Toriel will be able to hear you if you scream for help. 

_Wish Sans was here._

The skeleton's teleportation abilities would be greatly appreciated at the moment. 

Then again, so would a can of weed killer. 

Or a pair of gardening shears. 

_Ouch._

A "friendliness pellet" clips your leg, burning a painful trail across the side of your knee. You stumble, but somehow manage to stay on your feet. 

The froggit give a worried gurgle, safely wrapped in your arms. 

**"GET BACK HERE YOU BRAT."** Flowey's screech of rage is disturbingly close behind you and definitely too close for comfort. 

Your lungs are burning. Your arms ache from holding the froggit. Your legs and back are peppered with burns from the furious flower's attacks. 

The ground rumbles in a distinctly worrying way. The froggit gives a chirp of alarm, its eyes glued on the way that the dirt ripples near your feet. 

_...so tired that giving up might not be a bad idea..._

But you can see the house. 

_"...you may call me whatever you like my child..."_

Something wraps around your ankle and you are falling. Instinct has you flinging your arms out, the froggit thrown clear of your body. 

The taste of dirt on your tongue and pain across your entire body. 

_Froggit!?_

Relief when you can hear furious "garumps" because at least the froggit is okay. 

Relief that is short lived when you raise your head from the dirt and see the thick vine that has ensnared your foot. 

A thick vine attached to a tangled mass of brambles with a very angry, very warped yellow flower in the center. 

**"GRAAAAAAAAGH."** It seems that Flowey is beyond words. 

_Oh no._

You feel like crying. You don't want to die, not right now. Not when it means you'll lose the froggit. Not when you are starting to trust Toriel when she says that she wants you to stay. Not when you know that a RESET will make you lose all hope you had. 

You don't want to die just yet. 

DETERMINATION, something you haven't felt for a long time, stirs from its resting place in your SOUL. 

You take a breath and stand, even though your leg remains trapped by vine. 

**"DIE."** The manic flower shrieks, lashing vines raised to crush you into a bloody paste. 

You watch as the thorned vines come down. 

If you are going to die, you are DETERMINED to stare death in the face. 

_Sorry mo-Toriel._

Your vision of green death is suddenly cut off. 

Towering purple and white stand before you, a single clawed hand holding thigh-thick green brambles at bay. 

_"How dare you hurt my child!"_ The words ring in your ears, protective fury and love wrapped in every syllable. 

Tears drip down your face. 

You feel _safe._


	27. Chapter 27

It suddenly occurs to you that Toriel never really tried to fight you. 

Probably because she could put you so far into the ground that you would be launched into space from the other side of the planet.

_...fire raining down in gentle waves..._

The monster queen is tearing through Flowey's vines like they are made of wet paper. Her clawed hands act like blades, cutting through thick epidermal tissues so conjured fireballs can wreck havok on delicate internal tissues. The smell of cooking plantlife floods you nose as steam rises from cut tentacles. 

You distractedly note that the scent of cooked Flowey is oddly similar to that of steamed spinach. 

"You will never harm my child again!" Toriel roars then, out of nowhere, pulls out a very familiar set of swords.

_Oh, that is where Asriel got those._

**"RAAAARGH."** Is the only answer that Flowey gives in return, the mad flower is clearly beyond any kind of reason at this point. 

The blades dance in your vision, turning attacking vines into neatly cut slices faster than Flowey can make them. 

You are torn on whether to be happy that Toriel is winning or sad that Flowey is suffering. 

_...encouraging you to keep killing and killing and killing..._

On second thought, you are most definitely happy that Toriel is winning. 

A shriek startles you from your thoughts and you look up in time to see Flowey vanish into the ground. The remaining, extremely mangled, vines abruptly go limp and fall to the dirt. 

Toriel snarls quietly, clearly not pleased that the threat to your health has not been eliminated. The swords vanish along with the remaining fireballs. After a moment, her expression smoothes out and she pads to your side with worry in her eyes. 

"Are you alright?" You shake your head, pointing at the thick vine still wrapped around your ankle. You tried to get it off earlier, but your strength wasn't enough to make it budge in the slightest. 

"Here, let me take care of that." 

As Toriel gently unwinds the severed vine from your leg, you know that Flowey will be back. 

_Bring it._

The large white monster gives a soft "tsk" as your ankle is revealed. The flesh is rapidly purpling, swollen and only now starting to be painful. 

"I'll have to carry you home my child. Do not worry, I have medicines that will heal you." 

You wrap your arms around Toriel's furred neck and relax, happy to let your caretaker carry you home. 

_I'm not alone._

A very grumpy "ribbit" greets you when the two of you enter Toriel's home. 

You smile. 

_I'm not alone._


	28. Chapter 28

Toriel is packing.

_...a flash of yellow at the corner of your vision..._

The house is looking fairly bare, essential items stored in old travel cases and mended backpacks. 

You don't know if you should feel guilty or relieved. 

_...Toriel snarling as shrill laughter echoes through the garden..._

The froggit croaks at you, safely cradled in your arms. A special carrier sits by your side, spelled for warmth and humidity so that the frog monster won't freeze in Snowdin's cold. You aren't going to leave the little creature behind. 

_Good froggit._

Toriel looks at the both of you, a gentle smile curling across her muzzle. "We'll leave soon my child. Do not worry."

You nod your head, guilt pricking at the back of your mind. You can't help but feel that it is your fault that Toriel and the froggit have to leave their home. 

_"...you are more important than this place my child..."_

It was Toriel's decision to leave the Ruins, her reasoning being that it is unlikely that Flowey will be able to withstand the icy weather of Snowdin. 

_"...I do not mind living in Hotland either, especially if it keeps that horrible creature away from you..."_

Tears sting your eyes.

_...always messing things up for people..._

"Alright, time to go dear one." Toriel easily hefts the multitude of baggage and holds out a paw for you to grab. "Let us depart." Her loving smile warms you, even as shame gnaws at the corners of your mind. 

The froggit "garumps" cheerfully and hops into the carrier. One of your hands wraps around the handle while the other latches onto Toriel's warm paw. 

With that, the three of you set off towards the Ruins door. 

***

When the proximity spell that Sans placed near the Ruins door goes off, the lazy skeleton almost dismisses it as a false alarm. 

_better not be the bunny kids again._

Yet he still gets up from his sentry station in Hotland and takes a shortcut to Snowdin, hope warring with practiced pessimism in his SOUL. 

The fresh snow crunches underfoot as Sans pads through the forest, eyes searching for any sign of what may have set off the alarm. 

_if it turns out to be a falling clump of snow agai-_

The sight of two figures treading towards him cuts off any thoughts of exacting fiery vengeance on the natural environment. 

"kid?"


	29. Chapter 29

Your heart nearly stops when you see Sans. 

_...armor and red cloth falling to the ground..._

_...despair and rage and hate enveloped in blue..._

But...he doesn't look angry. 

If anything, Sans looks happy to see you. 

Part of you screams that you can't trust the skeleton, remembering all the times that he killed you with a smile. 

_Not that I wasn't asking for it._

The thought makes you frown slightly, loathing threatening to overwhelm your mind once more. 

"kid?" 

Sans sounds worried and you risk a look at the skeleton's face. 

The smile that usually graces the short monster's face is softer and more natural than the ones that you used to see during every RESET. Love, resentment, hate, and sorrow race through your heart, twisting together until you can't tell what you are feeling. 

It's like staring into a mirror.

_Sans._

You can feel tears burning your eyes. A startled croak reaches your ears as you drop the carrier into the snow. Toriel gives a bleat of surprise when you let go of her hand. 

The snow crunches under your feet as you run to cross the short distance between the two of you. 

It feels like you have been running forever. 

Suddenly, your face smacks into a familiar puffy jacket. 

Your arms wrap around a wide body and squeeze. 

***

"I'm sorry." 

Sans has a warm armful of sobbing human, Frisk's apologies filling the air, and no idea what to do. 

Old anger rises up but the skeleton shoves the emotion away, he's had more than enough time to come to terms with his brother's -no longer applicable- death. 

Sans carefully drapes an arm around Frisk's shaking form, bony hand soothingly stroking the child's hair. 

"i'm sorry too kiddo." The skeleton's smile is shaded by regret. "we'll work things out."

The child sniffles, burrowing deeper into his blue jacket, and nods furiously. 

Motion has Sans looking away from the dark hair nestled against his chest. A tall, white furred monster -Toriel, not that she remembers him- dressed in royal purple looks confused and wary. 

Interestingly, a halo of blue fire surrounds the tall monster, the flames wavering with indecision. 

Beside Toriel is a small, shaking carrier that seems to be croaking angrily. 

_glad you found someone to help you kid._

For the first time, in a long time, real mirth fills Sans' voice. "hey kid, why doncha introduce me to your friends? _tibia_ honest they look pretty _cool_."

The purple robed monster gives a feminine laugh, clearly amused by his sense of humor. 

_i've really missed that laugh._ Seeing Tori fills Sans with hope that things will turn out alright. _you really are healing, aren't you kid?_

The teleporting skeleton purposely ignores the memories of finding Toriel's body. This is not the place -or time- to think about such things. 

A watery giggle from Frisk brings his attention back to current moment.

"come on kid, don't leave me in the _cold_."

As laughter fills the air, Sans can't help but smile. 

This is definitely worth the wait.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got really sick.
> 
> Working on it. Slow updates now.

Snowdin doesn't look any different from what you remember. 

Though getting to Snowdin was a lot easier this time. Between Sans and Toriel, nobody even tried to stop your party. 

Toriel and Sans are politely discussing where the three of you will stay. From what you can tell it isn't practical to stay at the inn for an extended period of time and it'll take a while to find a suitable house in town. 

You lose interest in the conversation and let your mind wander, a litany of grumpy croaks reminding you that you need to find a way to apologize to the froggit for dropping it. 

Maybe froggits like cinnamon bunnies?

You wonder if you can convince Toriel to take you to the bunny shop sometime.

_Probably?_

Snippets of conversation reach your ears, though you find yourself paying far more attention to the other monsters passing by. 

"...come on tori, it won't be a problem..."

A delicious smell wafts through the air -fried potatoes and something meaty- and you wonder how close you are to Grillby's. 

_It be nice to have something other than pie._

You frown slightly at the thought, guilt oozing quietly, but dismiss it with a shrug. It really would be nice to eat something other than pie, even if it ended up dunked in ketchup. 

"...are you sure?..."

"...it'll be my pleasure..."

"My child." Toriel's warm voice startles you from your musing. "Sans has graciously allowed us to stay at his house until we can find our own home." 

You shoot Sans a questioning look. 

"we expanded the house." The skeleton responds, posture carefully casual. "pap wanted a bigger kitchen."

You give Sans your best "Oh, really?" look, one that you distinctly remember Toriel using on Asgore during several previous runs. 

"what? wasn't like we were using the shed for anything." 

You have a feeling that Sans is plotting something. 

"don't worry kiddo, i promise you'll have a good time."

You are sure that Sans is plotting something. 

For some reason that doesn't scare you as much as it probably should. 

_Looking forward to it._


	31. Chapter 31

"that should distract them for a bit." Sans sounds entirely too relaxed for someone who was nearly strangled by Toriel and Papyrus. "let's go to grillby's."

You can feel your eye twitching. 

The froggit gives a grumpy croak as if it shares your displeasure. 

"what? you rather stay around for the show?"

A loud crash has the three of you glancing at the door of Sans' room -he yanked the two of you inside when the shit hit the fan- and you quickly consider your options. 

One, stay and watch your angry goat mother take her fustration out on Asgore. 

Or...

Two, have a good non-pasta, non-pie meal with Sans. 

While it would be fun to watch Asgore get verbally shredded, you really don't want to be around when Toriel remembers why she is angry in the first place. 

"thought not." Sans chuckles, bones popping as the lazy monster stretches. "we'll take a shortcut."

***

You nearly throw your half-eaten cheeseburger at Sans when you figure things out.

_Clever sonofabitch._

The skeleton looks smug, hand wrapped around a half consumed ketchup bottle. "finally _sauced_ it out?"

The froggit, sitting on the table besides you, gives a "garump" of protest at the pun. The small amphibian shoves chunk of fruit into its mouth while glowering at Sans, who predictably, ignores the frog monster in favor of giving you a cheery grin. 

You feel a growing sense of doom. 

_M-Toriel is going to kill us._

It is only a matter of time before the goat mother realizes that her ex-husband is a distraction. The king is a big distraction, but you don't count on him being able to hold the attention of an overprotective mother for all that long. 

An overprotective mother who is very, _very_ interested in why you and Sans are acting like old friends. Especially since, as far as she knows, neither of you have met before. 

_I can RESET the timelines. He can remember the RESETs._

_I went a little crazy a couple runs ago and slaughtered everyone, then I tried to kill him. He killed me a lot._

_Is no big deal. We got better._

For some reason, you don't think that explanation will work. 

_Doomed. Completely doomed._

Sans looks amused at the way that your eye is twitching again. "don't worry kiddo, i've gotta a great plan to keep tori from getting too _cheesed_ off."

This time you do throw the remainder of your cheeseburger at Sans.


End file.
